I have a confession to make. But first, a bit of background info is sort of necessary. When I began this part of my site, that is, the weight loss section, I had a vision of a place people could come when they had problems with weight loss. The target audience for this was what the doctors like to call "obese" and "morbidly obese" people. My idea included people reading the articles I was putting up, give tips and tell about my own progress or failures. It was also for the reader to be able to participate by getting onto the forum we had set up so that they could share things that were successful to them or what not to do or things that did not work. I believe that if we can set up a support system, give out info on what works and what does not, be there for each other and find someone to be accountable to no matter what, then I think that more folks will be winners of the weight loss problem.
I, too, am morbidly obese, have had all the failures that most people face, all the temptations to go off the diet programs, seen those ads that show how much of a failure I am since lots of others can do what I could not, lose the weight. My own personal goal was to lose a great deal of weight that I had accumulated over the past multiple years and expected to not only to do that through this site but also encourage others to do so as well. I wanted us all to be overcomers!! It was a nice idea.
Now comes the confession. I am a minister of the Lord called to encourage and teach people who asked Jesus into their hearts but did not know what else to do. Also, I am to teach those who do not know Jesus how to come to Him and ask Him into their hearts. Because of that, I allowed my pride to get in the way of this site. I allowed my embarrassment to override my desire to see that others could win this fight, be the overcomes I wanted to be.
I am ashamed of myself and I ask my readers to forgive me for letting all of you down. The reason? I gained a lot of weight without mentioning it to you. I stopped writing my articles because, to me, they didn't work. I lost faith in myself and what I could do to remedy my problems. I was ashamed to admit that I had gained the weight. Why? Because I am a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and I felt that it was wrong for me to fail like this. It would not "look good" that yet another minister failed because of a flesh thing.
Part of my failure was that I felt the advice didn't work. That is actually not true. They do IF you chose to follow the course of action. Actually, it would not surprise me to find out that most of the GOOD advice out there works....for someone. The problem comes when you try to apply their successes to yourself. I looked at the ads. They implied that I failed where others succeeded because I am weak, subject to staying the way I am or gaining because I can't keep the "bad" food out of my mouth. Again, that is not true. There was a doctor that I used to go to who put me on the standard, take one from this list and one from that list, type diet...so many calories and DO NOT EAT THIS, THIS and THIS.
I went back to him some time later. When I stepped on the scale, he decided to give up on me because, in his opinion, I did not do what he told me to do. You see, my weight did not register on the scale. I was still to high to show. The problem with his rather snotty assessment of me was false. I had done absolutely everything he said to do. It was not that I failed at all. The problem was that I weighed more than the scale could tell so in his estimation, I hadn't done my job. But I had!! My clothes were very loose, I felt better than I had in a while. But, and this is vital for you to see, I wanted his approval. I did not get it. That put me into a tailspin. It should not have done so.
When I set up this part of my site, I wanted to forum to work with the give and take. My weight and these articles were more or less tied together. It should not have been this way but it was. As the awareness came to me that the site was not getting the readership nor the forum participation that I desired, my weight started to go way up again. When that happened, I did not feel that I could give advice I was not willing to take myself. After all, it didn't work, right? WRONG!!! I was allowing my need for approval outweigh my need to lose those ugly, health destroying pounds.
This is the part you must see no matter how much it strikes home to you, no matter how much it hurts to hear. You do NOT need someone else's approval for you, no matter what the circumstance. It is vital for you to get this. Approval is something of a human condition, we all need it desparately regardless of what anyone says. The only individual I now seek to please is my Lord Jesus. I owe Him everything. Yes, I want my husband to be pleased but sometimes he isn't. I cannot afford to fall apart because of that. We do NOT allow that to destroy all we have worked for. We deal with whatever is bothering him or me and we go on. You cannot allow family and friends and what they think to dominate your life.
So today, I start again. This time, I will not allow myself to need anyone else's approval for my successes nor for my failures. This time, my hope in the Lord that I serve. Therein was my worst mistake of all. I did not give the credit for my successes to my Lord Jesus. I told people that I would not have this part of the site be super Christian. That is a denial of who I am. I can no longer do that. If it takes scriptures or talk of Jesus or a Word from God, I will put on this site all that I know, whether I have failures or successes.
Now, I seek people who are willing to participate in an ongoing give and take on my forum who need the help we can give. I, too, need that help. I need the support of people who are successful. I want to give support to those who are still struggling. We all are to one extent or another. It's now time to gather ourselves together and share what we know. How about it? The ball is now in your court. As for me, I am going to do what I must to survive. Jesus and I will make it through!! Now it's your turn.
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